


Who's loving you, Chief?

by JKlog



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Birthday, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 14:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21448069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JKlog/pseuds/JKlog
Summary: Jim listens to a song and thinks about his ex-lover.
Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Who's loving you, Chief?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mvernet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvernet/gifts).

> This is a birthday gift for the wonderful writer mvernet. It is set in the third season but before SenToo. In fact, it’s an AU, based on canon, but a little divergent. I hope you like it, mvernet. Happy birthday!  
And thanks to Bluewolf for the wonderful beta read.

Jim Ellison felt very lonely. He was alone in the loft, sitting on the couch in front of the TV, and drinking his third (and maybe, last) beer. He’d already had dinner and was expecting to watch a good program if there was one.

After a few minutes, he gave up. There was nothing to watch on TV. He decided to give the radio a chance and stood up to go towards the stereo. He moved the dial till he found a song he liked. A woman was singing.

_When I had you_

_I treated you bad_

_And wrong, my dear_

_And since_

_Since you went away_

_Don't you know I_

_Sit around_

_With my head hangin' down_

_And I wonder_

_Who's lovin' you_

His heart missed a beat. This song hit too close.

Blair, gone. A month ago. As the song said, Jim had treated him badly, wrong.

Blair was a free soul, and Jim had wanted to own him. That was wrong.

He loved him, though. He really loved him. But he showed that love the wrong way. He was too possessive. Now he had paid the price. Blair was gone.

The song went on.

_Life without love_

_Is oh, so lonely_

_I don't think_

_I don't think_

_I'm gonna make it_

_All my life_

_All my life, yeah_

_Belongs to you only_

_Come on and take it_

_Come on and take it_

He really felt very lonely. How could he make Blair come back to the loft? Jim didn’t even know if he was still in Cascade.

_Tomorrow I’ll start looking for him. He doesn’t have to be too far away._

_Don't you know I_

_Sit around_

_With my head hangin' down_

_And I wonder_

_Who's lovin' you_

The song ended, beautifully. Jim’s eyes were suspiciously moist. He never cried. Never. He wasn’t going to start now, because of a sentimental song.

But, he remembered, he’d cried once, in front of Blair, when Danny Choi was murdered. That was an exceptional situation. A very sad situation. He wasn’t going to cry now. Blair was gone, and that was sad, but he wasn’t dead. Maybe, just maybe, he’d come back. Jim smiled, thinking of his guide opening the door and coming in, talking a mile a minute, as always.

He inhaled, and Blair’s scent didn’t come into his nostrils. His smile faded. Luckily, he had kept a t-shirt Blair had left behind, in a plastic bag. He only had to open it and sniff a little, usually just before he went to sleep. It calmed him. How sad was that?

_Who’s loving you, Chief?_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Keeping track of Blair’s credit cards, Jim learned that he was still in Cascade, living on the East side of the city. It wasn’t a very good neighborhood, but, probably, the only place he could afford with his Rainier salary.

So, Jim went to that part of town to ask about Blair in a bakery that he seemed to go to very frequently. He parked the truck and then walked to the bakery. He stopped in front of it, listening. Blair’s heartbeat wasn’t there. He was afraid that he’d barge into his guide there. He wasn’t ready to meet him yet.

Inside the bakery, he saw a short and chubby middle-aged woman with her grey hair in a bun, at the other side of the counter. She smiled and greeted him. There were no other customers.

“Good morning! How can I help you, sir?”

“Good morning,” said Jim and showed her his badge. People were more willing to give information if it was a cop who asked. “I’m looking for a person. Blair Sandburg.” He showed Blair’s picture. “He’s not missing, but I have to talk to him and don’t know his current address.” He could have asked at Rainier, but he didn’t want to come across Blair there, or even that he learned Jim was asking around about him.

“Yes,” said the woman, smiling, “I know Blair, he’s a regular customer. A very nice guy.” Her smile faded. “But not very cheerful. In fact, he seems to be very heartbroken. He never talks too much, but I know he lives in that building on the other side of the street. Don’t know which apartment, though.”

Jim looked where the woman pointed. There was an old building across the street. It looked very grey and depressing. Jim disliked it immediately. He had to get his guide out of there.

“Thanks…” Jim peeked at the woman’s name tag, “Mary. You’ve been very helpful. Please, if you see Blair, don’t tell him I’m looking for him. I want it to be a surprise. Okay?”

“Okay. He’s not in trouble, is he?”

“No, don’t worry. He’s a very law-abiding person. Just need to talk to him.”

“Okay. Good luck, then. Bye.”

“Bye, Mary.”

Jim went out and crossed the street to stand in front of the building. He extended his hearing, and sure enough, his guide’s heartbeat was there, on the third floor. Jim knew that Blair didn’t have to be at Rainier on Wednesday mornings.

Now that he had located his former lover, Jim felt that a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. And besides, according to Mary’s words, Blair was _heartbroken_. That was very bad and very good at the same time. Blair was missing him. Maybe, Blair still loved him.

In three days, it’d be Blair’s birthday. He was going to be twenty-nine. The perfect occasion for Jim to show up with a gift and love words. He was going to have to buy something very good. _How about a necklace? Blair loves necklaces. Some simple craft, but elegant. Nothing too fancy. Yeah, I’ll buy him a necklace. _

He felt happy for the first time since Blair went away. He was going to have Blair back. In three days, they’d be together again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

It was Saturday at noon. Jim parked the truck in front of the bakery. He remained sitting there, while he extended his hearing and filtered the unwanted noises. He wanted to find out if Blair was in his apartment.

He wasn’t.

_Well, I’m going to wait for him. Maybe he went grocery shopping._

Jim smiled, picturing in his mind Blair’s face when he saw the truck parked in front of where he lived. He imagined his surprise, then his pleasure at finding out that Jim had looked for him, had come for him. That he still loved him. And then, at his apartment, Jim would give him the gift, a beautifully crafted necklace with a silver wolf pendant. He didn’t know why but he thought Blair would like the wolf. It was an Indian symbol.

Ten minutes went by, and then he saw a familiar form turn around the corner, in the opposite direction. It was Blair, carrying two full paper bags in his arms. Jim was going to get out the truck to help him, when someone showed up, running towards Blair. It was a woman. A young woman. A beautiful young woman.

Blair seemed very happy to see her. But what upset Jim the most, was seeing the woman take Blair’s face between her hands and plant a kiss on his lips. And Blair didn’t look surprised or shocked.

_So, she is who’s loving you, Chief._

Jim felt on the verge of tears. But he wasn’t going to cry. Not now, not ever. He had to get out of there before Blair saw him. He started the truck and he stepped the throttle to go as fast as he could. But it wasn’t fast enough. Blair saw him. Jim heard him calling him, but he didn’t stop. It was too late. Blair was with someone else now. Jim’s dreams shattered in a million pieces.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Jim! Jim! Stop!”

Blair wanted to throw the bags and wave his arms to make Jim stop the vehicle. But Jim’s truck passed by and turned around the corner.

“Who was that?”

Lisa was a beautiful young woman, with long blond hair and green eyes. She took a bag from Blair’s arms and looked at him questioningly. She was only a friend but wanted to be more. However, Blair wasn’t ready for another relationship yet.

“That was Jim.”

“Your ex? What was he doing here?”

“I have no idea. He must’ve seen you kissing me, and got the wrong idea.” Blair headed towards the building he lived in, with Lisa by his side.

“I should call him,” said Blair.

“Why? Haven’t you said that he treated you very badly? Do you want to go back to him?”

“I don’t know what I want. And yes, he treated me badly.”

“So, forget about him. You’ve got everything you need right in front of your eyes,” she said, grinning and winking at him.

Blair laughed, but it wasn’t heartfelt. It’d been a month since Jim and he broke up and he hadn’t gotten over it yet. Though Lisa was a very beautiful and nice girl, he couldn’t fall in love with her. His heart had an owner, and that was Jim.

They arrived at Blair’s apartment and he opened the door. It had the number 307 on it, the same as at the loft. Blair didn’t believe in coincidences, things happened for a reason, but he didn’t know what was the reason in this case.

They went into the tiny apartment and they put the groceries on a table.

“Do you want some tea, Lisa?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Blair put away the groceries while the water for the tea heated. When he was putting a particular package in the fridge, Lisa asked, “What is that?”

“Tongue.”

“Say it again, please.”

“It’s tongue, my favorite dish.” Blair smiled. “My mother used to cook it for me on my birthday.”

Lisa’s eyes widened. “Do you mean your birthday is close?”

“It’s today, actually.”

Lisa got up from the chair she was sitting on, and launched herself towards her friend, giving him a tight hug.

“You should have told me! I haven’t had the chance to buy you a gift!”

“It’s not necessary. I know you care about me.”

She put some distance between them, so she could look him in the eye.

“Do you care about me, Blair?” Her eyes were shining with emotion.

Blair saw more than friendship in her eyes and felt uncomfortable. He stepped aside from her embrace.

“Of course, I care about you. You’re a good friend.”

Lisa lowered her head. “You still love Jim, don’t you?”

Blair sighed. “Yeah, Lisa, I still love him. But I don’t want to talk about him today. Do you want to stay for lunch? I’ll take your company for my birthday gift.”

Lisa smiled, ruefully. “Okay, but I’ve never eaten tongue before. What does it taste like?”

“It’s just a sort of meat. It tastes great. You’re going to love it.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jim parked the truck in his usual spot in front of the loft. He didn’t remember how he got there. Everything was a blur since he saw that woman kissing Blair.

When he arrived at the loft, he closed the door and immediately caught a beer from the fridge. It was a very tempting occasion to get drunk, but he wasn’t going to do it. He had to have a clear mind to think about what he was going to do. So, he uncapped the bottle, sat down on the couch and took a long swig. Then he set out to think about his situation.

He remembered when he saw Veronica and Alan Archer kissing. He was going to give her a bouquet of flowers and tell her that he loved her. When he turned around the corner, he saw them kissing. He’d thrown the bouquet in a trashcan, along with his dreams. He’d thought she was the one, but she was just another treacherous woman, another one that had abandoned him.

He’d thought that Blair was the one, too. And now Blair had another love, a beautiful young woman.

_It’s very clear what I have to do. I have to forget about him._

He knew it was easier said than done. He just had to do it, forget that Blair Sandburg ever existed. Maybe, his broken heart would mend some time from now. But it’d take a long time, he knew it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Blair closed the front door behind Lisa. They’d had a wonderful lunch. Lisa had loved the tongue, and he had felt like he was with Naomi again, celebrating his birthday. They’d joked and laughed, both forgetting, momentarily, about the earlier scene that involved his former lover.

Now that he was alone, he was ready to think about that scene. He prepared a mug of chamomile tea, that had a very soothing effect, and set out to think about Jim. Jim undoubtedly knew it was his birthday. It wasn’t a coincidence. He’d come to talk to him. Blair thought he should give Jim a chance to say whatever he wanted to say. It couldn’t be just, “Happy birthday, Chief”.

_I should call him. No, I’m going to call him!_

When he had the phone in his hand and was about to press the buttons, he remembered that Jim saw when Lisa had kissed him. He had misunderstood the situation, no doubt. Blair had to clarify it. He entered the loft’s number and heard the tone.

_“Ellison_.”

Blair felt a surge of love when he heard Jim’s voice.

“It’s me, Blair.”

Blair heard the tone again. Jim had hung up. He stared at the device in his hands. What had just happened?

He dialed again, but Jim didn’t answer.

_Stubborn bastard! He thinks I betrayed him and that’s all. He doesn’t want to hear me. But he’ll have to hear me. He’s going to see that he’s not the only one who’s stubborn. I’m going to the loft. I’m going to talk to him no matter what._

He finished drinking his tea, put on his jacket, grabbed the car keys and went out.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Blair was waiting at the corner for the light to turn to green. When it did, he stepped on the throttle and went forward. He never expected what happened next. Another vehicle crashed against the Volvo’s side. Fortunately, it wasn’t the driver’s side. He lost consciousness, though.

He was taken to Cascade General, with a severe blow to the left side of his head, and several broken ribs. As usual, they had to call Jim, as his emergency contact.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jim was glad that he’d answered the phone when they called from the hospital. He forgot all about his decision to forget everything about Blair Sandburg. His guide had had an accident. His guide needed him. His guide was hurt.

The hospital’s clerk that called him told him that it’d been a drunk driver that didn’t even have his seatbelt on and had died in the collision. That was very sad but all Jim cared about was his guide.

He went into the emergency cubicle and sat down next to Blair. He looked at the pale face and all the ugly bruises on his head. Poor Blair! He’d been at this same hospital too many times. Jim had hoped that now that he wasn’t working with him, he’d be safer. But Blair was a trouble magnet, wherever he went.

The doctor had told him that they were going to do a CT scan to see if there was damage to Blair’s brain. Jim hoped not. His guide had a brilliant mind. It’d be so unfair if he had brain damage. Even if Blair didn’t love him, Jim wanted the best for him. Even if he was with someone else.

When he was thinking that, someone came into view in front of the cubicle. It was the woman that had kissed Blair on the sidewalk.

They looked at each other in silence for a moment. Then, the woman extended her hand towards Jim.

“Hi, I’m Lisa. You must be Jim.”

Jim shook her hand. “Yes, I’m Jim.”

“I’m Blair’s girlfriend.”

Jim’s heart hurt, but his face showed nothing. “Did Blair tell you about me?”

“Yes, he told me everything about how you treated him. I think he wouldn’t like seeing you here when he wakes up. You should go.”

Jim lowered his head. She was right. He had to go.

“Would you tell him… no, forget it, don’t tell him anything. I’d better go.”

He went out and headed to the nurses’ station. He asked them to call him if there was any change in Blair’s condition. But he regretted that afterward. He should continue with his plan and start right now to forget about Sandburg.

When he was inside the truck, in the hospital parking lot, he extended his hearing. He couldn’t help it, he had to listen to that beloved heartbeat. He filtered out all the unwanted noises. And there it was, his guide’s heart beating peacefully. It was a beautiful sound. But there was something interfering, a voice. He unfiltered it, curious. It wasn’t Blair, he was asleep. It was Lisa.

_“Blair, you have to understand. I had to do it. He was going to take you away from me. I had to lie. I told him I was your girlfriend. It’s for your own good. He’s not good for you. He’s a manipulative bastard. A possessive son of a bitch. You told me so. I had to do it, Blair. I love you.”_

So, Lisa had lied. She wasn’t Blair’s girlfriend. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested in her.

_Stop being so negative, Ellison! This is very good news. All I have to do is convince Blair that I’ve changed. I’m not a possessive son of a bitch and a manipulative bastard, not anymore. I need him, and I’ll give him all the freedom he deserves. No more following him and eavesdropping when he’s with his friends. No more reading his e-mails and his personal diary. No more being constantly jealous of everyone he meets. Mmm… Did I really do all that?_

And he had to give him the necklace. He knew that Blair would like it.

Surely, the nurse would call him when Blair woke up, and then… but Lisa would be there. He couldn’t talk to him in front of her. He had to wait till Blair was in his apartment, alone, and then go to see him. Yes, he’d do that.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

After three days, Blair was dismissed from the hospital. The scan had shown no brain damage, and the ribs were going to heal by themselves. He went to his apartment, with Lisa’s help. Once he was there, he told her he wanted to be alone, so, reluctantly, she had to go.

It was lunchtime, so he prepared mac and cheese. It was the only thing he had. The leftover tongue had spoiled, even in the fridge. He sat at his little table and began to think while he was eating. He was almost sure that he had heard Jim’s voice, but when he woke up, Jim wasn’t there, and Lisa had said he hadn’t been there at all.

He finished eating and went to the sink to wash the dishes. After that, he heated some water to make an herbal tea. He had to take a pain pill, he had a headache and his ribs also were hurting.

When he was sitting on his old ragged armchair, drinking his tea, he decided to call Jim. He left the mug on the coffee table and dialed Jim’s cell number. He waited.

_“Ellison.”_

“Hi, Jim, it’s me, Blair.”

This time Jim didn’t hang up. _“Chief! How are you? Are you already out of the hospital?”_

“Yeah. I’m okay. They called you when I had the accident, didn’t they?”

_“Yeah, I went to the hospital as soon as they called me. I met Lisa.”_

“Well, about that, what you saw on the sidewalk… I’m not involved with her.”

_“I know. We need to talk, Chief.”_

“I was going to see you when I had the accident.”

_“Oh, my god, Chief!”_ Jim fell silent for a moment. _“I’m sorry I hung up on you, but I was mad because of what I saw…”_

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.” Blair thought for a moment. “Can you come here to talk? I think we need to do this face to face.”

_“Yeah, I’m going right now. See you there, Chief.”_

“See you, Jim.”

They hung up and Blair waited for his sentinel to arrive.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jim just followed the heartbeat to Blair’s door and smiled when he saw the number 307 on it. _What a coincidence!_ he thought. He didn’t believe in destiny, it had to be a coincidence. That or his guide had chosen to live in this apartment because of the number, to pretend he was still in the loft.

He knocked and Blair immediately opened the door. Blair wasn’t smiling but his eyes were shining with emotion. They eyed each other for a moment, and then Jim opened his arms. They hugged.

They both thought about how much they had missed the other. A month was a long time.

They made a little space between them to look at each other in the eye. Jim wondered if it was appropriate to kiss his guide, but then Blair broke the embrace. So, they weren’t ready for that yet. They had to talk first.

Blair indicated that Jim sat on the armchair, while he sat on a wooden chair in front of him.

“So, Jim, what were you going to tell me when you came to see me?”

Jim's eyes widened. He should have counted on Blair making a direct approach.

“Er, it was your birthday, so I bought you a present.” He took out from his jacket’s pocket a flat box, with a blue wrapping and a silver ribbon.

Now, Blair’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that. He accepted the gift and unwrapped it. He opened the box and looked at the leather necklace with the silver wolf-shaped pendant. It was beautiful.

“Thanks,” whispered Blair, teary-eyed. “It means a lot to me.”

“I’m glad you like it, Chief.”

Blair put the present on the table.

“Aren’t you going to put it on?” asked Jim.

“Later.”

“Okay.”

Blair looked Jim directly in the eye.

“So, answer my question.”

“Well, besides giving you the present, well, I had to tell you that I’ve been thinking. About us. I’ve missed you, Chief. A lot. And I’ve changed. I’m not the same manipulative and possessive bastard you left a month ago. And I want us to try again… Why are you grinning? You don’t believe me?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that _that_ is exactly what I thought you’d say. _I’ve changed._ Nobody changes that much in only a month. And without counseling or any kind of help.”

“How do you know I didn’t have counseling?”

“Did you?”

“No.”

Blair grinned again. “What happened is that you missed me, and then convinced yourself that you were ready for me to take you back. That you had changed, but that’s only what you wished. Reality is a little different.”

Blair took hold of Jim’s hands. He wasn’t smiling now. “I know that you love me. I love you, too. But we can’t live together. Not until you work out your problems. I told you when we broke up, and I’m telling you again now. You need counseling, Jim. You have to go through a very deep therapy to really change. When you do, we can think of being together again.”

Jim was on the verge of tears. But he wasn’t going to cry, not in front of Blair.

“Are you going to wait for me, Blair?”

Blair smiled tenderly. “Yes, Jim, I’m going to wait for you. I love you.”

Jim also smiled. “I love you, too. Can you give me a little kiss, Chief?”

Blair gave Jim a peck on the lips. A tear fell from his right eye.

“You haven’t mentioned the sentinel stuff, Jim. How are your senses?”

“They are fine. I haven’t forgotten that you’re my guide, Blair. And I still need you, though you think I don’t.”

“But you’re managing just fine. I’m glad. I’ll always help you. You know that. You just have to call me.”

Jim looked at his watch. “I have to go. Simon only gave me an hour.”

“How are the guys at MC?”

“Missing you. They stopped asking after a few times I answered ‘I don’t know’.”

They looked at their joined hands. Reluctantly, they parted and stood up.

“We’ll be in touch, won’t we?” asked Jim.

“Yes, Jim. We’ll be in touch.”

Blair opened the door and Jim went out, not without looking at his guide one last time.

“Bye.”

“Bye, Jim.”

When Blair closed the door, he realized that the huge weight that had been in his heart had not lifted, which he would have expected; he still felt desperately unhappy, as if nothing had been resolved. More tears fell from his eyes. He looked at the little box on the table, took out the necklace and put it on. He went to the bathroom to look himself in the mirror.

He stroked the wolf pendant and whispered, “I love you, my sentinel.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Six months later…**

As Blair requested, Jim went to therapy. It was hard for him, but if he wanted to be happy and be by his guide’s side, he had to do it. After six months, he felt he was much better, so he asked Blair out, and he accepted.

Blair wanted to test Jim, so he asked Lisa to join them. If Jim was really better, he shouldn’t get jealous. He had his doubts about that, because six months was a long time, but not so much for therapy. He knew because he had gone through it himself and besides, he had a minor in psychology. It took several years to see some improvement.

Jim was in front of the cinema, waiting for Blair when he saw him coming. But he wasn’t alone, Lisa was with him. His smile faded. _What the f…! _Then he remembered. _Blair has the right to be with whoever he wants to be with. I don’t own him._ His smile returned.

“Hey, Jim! How are you? I invited Lisa, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I’m pretty good. And no, I don’t mind. How are you, Lisa?”

“Fine, thanks. I’ve wanted to see this movie for a long time.”

“Me, too,” said Jim.

When they entered the theater, Blair was tempted to let Lisa sit between him and Jim, but that seemed too much of a test. So, he sat next to Jim, he needed to be close to him, and he bet that Jim wanted to be close to him, too.

At some moment in the movie, he expected Jim to hold his hand, or put his arm around his shoulders, as he used to do before, but he didn’t. Wasn’t that a good sign? Blair was pleased, but he needed further proof that Jim was better. Though he was crazy with the need for his sentinel, he was going to wait a little more time.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

There was a party at Rainier, organized by the Anthropology Department, and Blair was invited. He thought of taking Jim with him, to test how he would behave in those conditions.

To his great surprise, Jim behaved splendidly. He put up with being left alone while Blair talked to a group of people. In the past, he’d take Blair away from the group, to keep him to himself. This time, Jim just went to talk to someone else. He did know some of the people attending the party.

At a certain moment in the party, their eyes met, and they smiled knowingly. Jim knew that Blair had noticed how he’d changed, and was very pleased about it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Another day, Jim and Blair met to have a coffee and chat for a while. They were sitting at a table, having some coffee and eating some pastries, when a very handsome young man addressed Blair.

“Blair? Blair Sandburg?”

“Yeah. Peter! How are you? Long time no see.”

Blair stood up and gave Peter a quick hug. Jim looked at them, interested.

“I’ve been away from Cascade for a few years. Five years, actually.”

“Yeah, I remember when we gave you that farewell party. What have you been doing?”

They kept talking for a few minutes more, and meanwhile, Blair observed with the corner of his eye how Jim was reacting. He seemed to be taking it very easily. He didn’t have a somber facer, as he would have before the breaking up. No jealousy ahead. That was very good.

“So, Peter, don’t get lost!”

“No, you too, Blair. We’ll see each other at Rainier, surely.”

“See you, Peter.”

“So long, Blair.”

Peter went away, and Blair sat again in front of Jim.

“That was Peter Pearson, a fellow TA from Rainier. I hadn’t seen him in a long time.”

“It’s good to meet a good friend again after some time,” said Jim.

They were silent for a few minutes, while they finished their coffees.

“How are you?” asked Blair. He couldn’t help being curious.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you jealous?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You don’t believe I’ve changed, do you?”

Blair looked Jim in the eye and smiled.

“In fact, I’m being very aware that you’ve changed, and I’m really glad about that.”

“Yeah, I’m also aware that I’m quite better, but I have to keep on with the therapy. There’s a long way to go, still.”

Blair was very pleased when he heard that. Jim wanted to go on with the therapy. That was very good news and further proof that he was getting better and better. He’d thought for some time at that moment, that he wanted to be part of that process, as Jim’s lover.

“Why don’t we have dinner at the loft tonight? I’ll cook. I’d invite you to my apartment but the kitchen is too small to make a proper meal.”

Jim beamed. The implications of that proposal were very clear for him. Blair wanted to spend the night with him, maybe. But then, he sobered up. He didn’t want to get too illusioned and be left with nothing afterward.

“Okay, Chief. What are you going to cook?”

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

After eating a magnificent lasagne, Jim and Blair sat on the couch, each with a glass of wine. For once, Jim put the dishes to soak, saying he would do them in the morning. They watched the evening news and sipped the wine, silently.

At one moment, Jim spoke. “It’s getting late, Chief.”

Blair’s face fell. “Do you want me to go?”

Jim’s eyes widened. “No. Do you want to stay?” When he realized what he’d said, he tried to amend it. “I don’t mean… that you have to stay… I mean… If you want to… but I don’t think you want to… er…”

Blair smiled at seeing Jim’s confusion. “I want to stay, Jim. That is if you want me to…”

When Jim saw Blair’s smile, he smiled, too. “I want you to stay, Chief. There’s nothing I want more.”

They left their goblets on the coffee table and hugged tightly. Both of them felt all the need they had accumulated through those seven months of being apart. They both felt the other’s body so good against them. It was like a dream come true.

They made a little space between them and looked each other in the eye.

“I love you, my sentinel.”

“I love you, my guide.”

They kissed, with so much longing, that they both felt some tears falling on their faces. When they separated, Blair cleaned Jim’s face with his hand, and Jim did the same to Blair.

After a moment, they got up from the couch, and went to the upstairs bedroom, holding hands.

The end.


End file.
